Fears about being a good mom
Most women with a baby on the way have fears about being a mom. There are those people who are teachers or work with kids or had younger siblings (a lot) or who seem to have less fears but even for them it still comes up. And then there are the rest of us.
We thought we wanted a baby, perhaps it was unplanned, perhaps planned. Some of us had baby fever through the roof but then when the actual pregnancy was here we were freaking out about actually being a mom. This happens whether you felt your mom was good or not. But it happens more if you have a mom who is just not that good of a mom. Or a mom who is Toxic. Or a mom who abandoned you.
I see this come up in my Prenatal Yoga Classes allllll the time. Pregnancy is the time when those fears come to the surface and really rear their heads. Being with other pregnant women and second and third time moms help you deal with those fears. Occasionally they create new fears when you hear the stories of toddler antics or see the exhaustion on another mama’s face. But still remains the big question . . .
“Will I be a good mom?”
Big, GIANT question.
Most of us are decent moms most of the time. Most of us are great moms some of the time. And most of us are, well . . . not the best moms some of the time too.
We get tired and snap at the kids. We get exhausted and just want to sleep. We run late and have to pick up dinner or throw something together. We get lonely and just want to talk to our friends. We get bored and feel like we’re going to die if we have to play that game or read that book even one more time.
So let’s re-frame this question. Let’s ask it a different way.
How about “Can I be a good mom most of the time?”
The answer is probably Yes. Even saying that out loud reduces fears during pregnancy.
Now let’s ask, “When I’m feeling less than about 75%, can I get some help, ask for support, take a break, take some time to myself to regenerate?” That’s the way you get back to “good” mom-ing. Not by pushing through it or working until you snap.
Hopefully your answer is Yes, Yes, and Yes again.
You get to start doing this during pregnancy and continue during motherhood. If you’re taking a break and someone (like your partner) asks you about it, just say, “I’m practicing being a good mom . . . most of the time.”
And when you’re a Mom . . .
That break is sometimes just lying on the couch or the floor with the kids watching some t.v., not feeling like you have to clean up the house or do dishes or pick-up or cook. It’s getting away for an hour or two. It’s making yourself some tea and then actually drinking it. It’s pouring yourself a glass of wine or having a beer. It’s sometimes a weekend away or dropping the kids off with your mother-in-law or mom. It’s going to the bathroom alone for once or taking a long shower. It’s getting your hair done without the baby along or getting a massage.
So give yourself a break, particularly when you feel like you’re at your wits end with being a mom.
We’re not perfect all of the time. We’re human. Human parents.
If you need a little extra help handling your fears or handling mom-ing and would like to talk to me about, I specialize in hypnosis in Broward county and the Fort Lauderdale area. To see if we’re a good fit to work together, schedule your free consultation at 954-309-9071., call for a free consultation 954-309-9071.
Yours in health,